Another holiday season approaches quickly. For many, it’s a time of celebration with family, friends and good food. For those who’ve recently lost a loved one, the holidays may look a little different. Underneath the smiles and laughter is a seemingly never ending grief.
If you are grieving this season, know you’re far from alone. Now, before the celebrations get into full swing, is a good time to reflect on your feelings and think about what, if any, boundaries you need to set to take care of yourself.
Write It Out
Sit down with a notepad and pen, or open the notes app on your phone, and make a list of all the traditions you’ve loved during the holidays.
Share those positive memories, the stories. What you were hoping the future would’ve held with the loved one that’s now absent.
This can be a painful process, but can also help with healing.
Next, take a moment to list which traditions you still want to preserve or the ones you may want to skip this year.
Talk It Out
Share with your loved ones why you may not be attending certain events this year.
Keeping an open dialog can help those around you get a grasp on what you’re feeling. Make sure you listen, too. Especially if there are children who have lost a parent, grandparent, sibling, or friend. They’re grieving too and may be showing the pain in different ways.
What activities do they want to avoid or keep this year and why? If you’re invited somewhere, instead of saying yes or no, say “we’ll see.” This option allows for your plans to change depending on how you’re feeling on that day.
Boundaries Are Okay
It’s okay to scale back the holiday meal, or reduce how many goodies you bake because it was something you always did with Mom and she’s no longer here.
Just be careful not to push away everything. As much as we may want to wallow in the darkness or ignore the world from mid-November through the first part of the new year, it’s just not a wise move to make. Set boundaries, but with reason.
Start New Traditions
Finding a way to honor loved ones can help adjust expectations surrounding the holiday season.
Did your loved one enjoy giving back to their community? Maybe you visit an Angel Tree or Grandparent Tree as a family, selecting an individual similar in age to the loved one lost.
If you have a family with a lot of drama, maybe this is the year you reevaluate who, if anyone, you choose to spend special holidays with.
Avoid Substances
Grief is wild: you may be laughing one second, then crying uncontrollably the next.
These swings sometimes prompt people to turn to substances in order to mute the pain, but it’s not a viable solution. As much as you can, avoid alcohol, drugs, etc. to ease the pain. Instead, try adding exercise, a new or old hobby, or talking with a friend.
Talk to a Professional
Getting an outside perspective can do wonders. If you try therapy, it’s okay if the first couple sessions all you do is cry or talk through gritted teeth in anger or frustration. Talking out what you’re going through and getting feedback from a mental health professional on how to approach the holidays can help you survive this time of year.
Grief doesn’t go away. It’s something you learn to live with, and with the right support group, you will make it through each minute, hour, day.
Some days will be easier than others. Healing takes time. Give yourself grace.
No matter the season, Rural Psychiatry Associates is here to help you. Give us a call or schedule an appointment online.